I Thought We Had More Time

“I thought we had more time.”

I can’t shake this phrase today in thinking about my brother. As adults, we were not as close as we would have preferred. Living so far apart made that difficult but, I thought we had more time to grow close once again. We were as different as brothers could be. I’m tall, he wasn’t. He was an artistic creative soul, I am more logical. I have a beard, he struggled to get a soul patch going. My favorite hobbies are indoor things, his were mostly outdoors. But in all of these things, we still had so much in common and I thought we had more time to explore those things.

I thought we had more time. Those 6 words will haunt me as they will many others who were in his life. But we don’t, and I don’t. All I can do now, is wrestle with this beast that I’m so unfamiliar with and learn. Learn what losing Ben will teach me. To love much more intentionally. To live more free. To create without fear. To be humble and honest about my failings. To see beauty in all of God’s creation. You see, all these are areas he excelled in and so he still inspires me, as a big brother should.

Bear with me as I may use this forum to share some of my grief but also to look forward.