I Am Blind. But I Can See. It’s Complicated.

I Am Blind. I have been for most of my life in fact. But, according to some, I am not blind, but something else. Perhaps blind-ish? Visually-impaired? Vision deficient? 

What I have come to realize, after a lifetime of dealing with my low-vision and others perceptions of it, is that blindness, like so many disabilities, is on a spectrum. While I am not completely blind, I do see some out of one eye, I do easily meet the standards for being labeled legally blind. Yay for me! 

Unfortunately, the English language doesn’t really offer much in the way of distinction between partial blindness, mostly blind, and total blindness. You either are, or you are not. Many people that have normal vision really struggle with understanding this, which leads to awkward looks and even more awkward conversations.

“So, how blind are you?” Um, I don’t know what to compare it to.

“How do you do the work that you do if you are blind?” Quite well, thank you very much.

“I see your white cane, let me step in here and help you out since you obviously can’t see.” (This isn’t said out loud but definitely happens.)

Or, alternatively, this was overheard by my wife while at a Texas Rangers game in 2021. “Look at that cane. I bet he doesn’t even need it.”

People want so badly for my disability to fit within what they are comfortable with. They want it to fit neatly into a binary choice, between one group and another. Trust me, I understand. I have struggled with how to identify myself for most of my life. I have shied away from accepting the label of “blind” and the accompanying stigmas until very recently. It was a matter of pridefulness, that kept me from truly accepting what has been true for decades. I am blind. Now I can move forward with finding how to live my life in the best, most fulfilling way possible, as a blind human. 

Now, in regards to how you feel about it, well, it does not really matter to me. If you see me with my cane, just know that I use it for my own benefit, to help me to get around more confidently and safely. Can I still see the cars whizzing by, yes, I can. But the cracks, curbs, and potholes, not always. So, I choose to use the cane, accept the odd looks and the muttered comments, and I will continue on my blind way.